JoSoPhine wishes her facebook friends would obey some simple rules

Since Facebook has eclipsed MySpace as the primary social networking site, one might assume that users have adopted and adhere to standards of proper usage. However, I find many of my online friends constantly botching it. I've decided that the problem is that my FB friends do not think of the site in the same way that I do: a tool for keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances and sharing a little piece of your self with them. Within that context, I propose my Rules of Facebook.

1. Do not use Facebook messaging as a substitute for emailing. If you have a friend's email address, send them an email. Why make them open another browser/tab, log in to another website, then click on a specific section of the site, then on the subject just to read your message? What is this - Get Smart? Facebook messaging is only appropriate when you are getting in touch with a friend that you don't normally contact via phone or email.

2. Do not make plans with people via their facebook wall. We already see how cool you are when you post 60 pictures of your weekend exploits every Sunday night with hilarious captions using "OMG," "not sure what was going on here," and "random guy from the bar" a minimum of 5 times each. Again, if you're hanging out with these people you're making plans with, it's likely you have their email or phone number--use it.

3. It is only acceptable to write facebook status messages that are 1) clever or 2) spread pertinent news that people actually care about. For example, "Katie and I are engaged!" is acceptable because now I know that Steve is engaged, vital information for a friend cruising facebook. On the other hand, "Mary is hearting her new nalgene!!" reveals nothing new to me about her life, except makes me think she's a little sadder for being so excited about a new water bottle. And maybe that she's well hydrated.

4. Do not write a facebook status message just so that people will ask you what is wrong and tell you how awesome you are. For example, "Susan is preparing to slit her wrists. Who wants to take care of her cat?" If instead, Susan had written, "Susan is so depressed she is preparing to eat cat litter until her mouth dries out and she starves to death," she might have been closer to satisfying the clever requirement of Rule No. 3. (Though it would still be a rather pathetic call for attention.)

5. Especially do not write status messages that make people want to vomit. "Alexis can't wait to spend her first Christmas with her hubby!" just made me reach for the trash can under my desk.

6. Do not post pictures of your sonogram. I get it, procreation is a beautiful, tiny miracle growing inside your belly. But just because we were in Symphonic Band together in the 8th grade does not mean I need to see the inside of your uterus. Post pics once you've birthed the kid and cleaned it off, it's much cuter that way.

7. Don't post and tag every picture you take from every event you attend. You especially don't need to tag ME in every picture in which a fraction of one of limbs appears. Realize that some people (again, ME) appreciate a little thing called discretion, especially when it comes to posting pictures online. I have no control over who sees pictures you post on your profile, so don't be so puzzled when I untag myself from 18 pictures of me hanging out at your pregame. Also, since I'm using facebook to keep up with your life (generally) and what you look like (generally) three albums from your day at the horse races is going a little overboard. Possible exceptions: trips that exceed one week or more than one country and your own wedding.

8. Don't invite me to add inane applications to my profile. I don't need to build a family tree on my facebook profile, so please, dear cousins, do not invite me to add the "We're Related" application. I already know we're related. Believe me, I experience our relation every Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthday, baptism, baby shower, bridal shower, wedding ... I love you all, but I don't need a facebook application that spells it out for me every time I log in.

9. While we're talking about applications, also don't invite me to add your "cause" applications. I'm not sure I understand how me clicking and adding something to my profile helps your cause, I just don't get the connection. Call me crazy, but I'd rather actual actively participate in a cause in REAL life as opposed to adding something to a VIRTUAL profile. Madness, I know.

10. Realize that I'm mostly here to judge, so the easier you make that on me, the happier I will be.