continued from previous post...
In October I went on my one and only date of the year. Things were going well until he pulled out the (terrible, high-pitched) Arnold Schwarzenegger impression at dinner. He also didn't help his case later when we were playing pool and he "channeled James Brown" by bopping around the table with his cue stick. Life Lesson #9 - If he brags about being good at "voices" during dinner, it is perfectly acceptable to fake sick and go home right after the meal. (Possible exception: he is a voiceover professional.) After that date I stopped returning his texts and took off for Europe for two weeks, where I did actually do awesome stuff in really scenic locations--including Belgium, Paris, London, Athens, and Germany--and developed addictions to Belgian waffles, hard cider, and taking pictures with guards outside important buildings.
I returned to the States in time for Thanksgiving, one last wedding, and, of course, the office Christmas party. Past CA parties have involved dates passing out in the coat closet, admins puking in the bathroom, and associates crab dancing on the stage with the ten-piece band. In case you find yourself wondering, "what exactly is crab dancing?" picture someone in the crab walk position, but instead of walking around on their hands and feet, they bounce up and down with the music, occasionally raising an arm or leg up in the air. Life Lesson #10 - Introducing yourself to the CFO at the holiday party is a good idea. Meeting the CFO when he gets on stage to stop you from crab dancing and pulls you back down onto the dance floor is not a good idea. (Just to clarify, this lesson was not learned from personal experience, just observation.) This year's holiday party featured no crab dancing (sadly), but instead starred the very drunk, almost 50-year-old, divorced head of IT hitting on me, eventually realizing I was too young for him, and capping it off with a nice, big grab of my ass. I suppose I could have had my fourth drunken makeout of the year had I wanted it. Life Lesson #11 - Making out with someone who could essentially be your father is never acceptable, no matter how big or long your dating rut is.
Christmas came and went just about as quickly as a 50-year-old's ass grab. Before I knew it December 31 had arrived again. In true 25-year-old single woman fashion, I popped my first bottle of bubbly at 7:00 as I got ready for the night. By 8:15 I had polished it off and packed the second bottle "to go" in a large purse. At 8:30 I headed out with my roommates to the metro, bottle of champagne in hand, to celebrate at a friend's apartment. I don't remember much past 10, but pictures indicate my midnight kiss involved a faux makeout with my friend Suzanne--the only barrier between our tongues was my hand. Hot. Life Lesson #11 - Just because you're another year older, and ten "Life Lessons" wiser, doesn't mean you need to be any soberer to ring in the new year.
I hope everyone had a joyous holiday season and that 2009 is off to a wonderful start. Til next year,
JoSoPhine
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